11:30pm (Wednesday) last oral feed.
6:15am (Thursday) check in to the OR.
7:30 start time for anesthesia, etc....
3 hours scheduled in the cath lab.
4 hours recovery, laying completely still and flat.
Afternoon probable discharge.
I'd just gotten off the phone with the pre-op clinic nurse this morning, writing down this schedule, when a photo notification popped up from the program I use to store my photos.
June 27, 2015. It was my first very solo trip taking all three boys on a fun (non-medical) excursion. Sometimes when I get these little "one year ago today" notifications, the nostalgia is absolutely overwhelming and brings me back to the sharp emotions of that day. High highs and low lows.
That day felt like such a hard fought victory. Job had only been out of the hospital for 23 days and everything was so very tenuous. So very fragile. But we had SO much fun.
Things are more stable now, but unfortunately not as stable as we had all hoped for 2017. Job continues to chart his own course, disregarding any and all expectations and timelines.
I know it's not true, but it doesn't feel as if much has changed from a year ago. We have yet to reach that post-Glenn stability we were told to expect. I know that life with a CHD kid won't really ever be stable, but I keep hoping for something more steady.
I'm so very nervous about the cath this Thursday. The procedure AND the results. I long for hopeful news but I'm desperate for any sort of definite answer, though I know "definite" is impossible. I'm struggling to be patient: I want know what his oxygen requirements will be from here on out.
Yet I'm determined to push away all of my fearful thoughts about the things that could go wrong during the procedure or all of the devastating things they could find. Some moments this is easier to do than others. So then I do things like listen to this song: https://youtu.be/EbbGjx4ZKL8
The big boys are in VBS all week, and while I'm grateful they have this opportunity for their own sakes, I'm very thankful for the timing for my own sake as well. It's been good to focus on Job exclusively as well as work out my emotions on some neglected housework without their company. Especially because this is perhaps Seth's busiest week of work in the life of his business. I see it as a special mercy that they have something so fun to do every morning during a week when we're preoccupied and busy. A perfect picture of faithful goodness.
No comments:
Post a Comment